Law enforcement professionals from East to West have been
plagued for ages with a bad rap; do cops love donuts? Well, I have some experience in law
enforcement and maybe even a bit of inside knowledge. I hope to shed some light on this most
egregious of accusations.
First, allow me to validate the opinions that are to
follow. I worked as a 911 communicator
for a local police department for a few years, mainly working the demoralizing
"night" shift which was 7pm to 7am.
Now that I have proven a working knowledge of the topic at hand, allow
me to continue with some observations.
Try to count how many times your burglar alarm went off accidentally
last year, probably two or three times, right?
Now take a rough estimate of the number of businesses in your town and multiply
that number by 3. Alarms are constantly
going off and the police are constantly responding to check on the business at night,
many times, entering with a key that is kept in a safe at headquarters. Cops know exactly how dirty a restaurant is. Generally, donut shops, especially Dunkin
Donut stores are very well kept. There
was literally a list of restaurants that I would never eat at in the town I
worked in for that very reason. Cops
always know the best spots to eat.
Beyond this exclusive knowledge, there is one thing that
keeps anyone working a night shift sane, its routine. To survive my nights, I would structure my
entire shift, from when I took breaks to when I completed paperwork. Cops are very habitual and survive on this
routine. Obviously, coffee was
integrated into that schedule for myself and everyone I worked with. You would rely on this also if the only way
to see your family was to sacrifice your own sleep hours when everyone else is
awake. Often times, Dunkin Donuts was
the only clean restaurant that was open at 2 am, the bagel store doesn't open
until 5:30 and by then, your already looking forward to going to sleep in two
hours, so coffee is out of the question.
Donuts are the perfect partner to coffee. How can you blame a cop who partakes in the
enjoyment of a freshly made donut after walking into the shop, as the donuts
are being fried, and gazes upon the most perfect display of portable enjoyment
one could imagine.
My finial observation is that cops love free. Yes, a shocker, when cops go to the coffee
shop, it's almost always on the house.
Every cop I know would always throw the equivalent into the tip jar as a
"thank you" or "you didn't have to, I wasn't expecting it",
but in reality, it's just not about the few bucks in free stuff. Cops just love the idea of free. If Dunkin Donuts started selling whole
Prosciutto di Parmas, cops would get a reputation for loving Italian,
salt-cured hams.
I left the police department with a little less hair, a keen
ability to leave emotion at home and focus, and a love of donuts. My favorite donut of all time; a maple glazed
donut from Tim Horton's. Dunkin Donuts' maple
glazed is good, when you can find it, but maple is in the blood of every
Canadian.
Lately, I've been having a challenging time finding maple
donuts, so today I took matters into my own hands. My daughter and I have created the most
amazing maple donut you could ever imagine.
Take a second and actually imagine the perfect maple donut. Now then, take that donut and add apples, and
maple glazed bacon, plus a bit of good old "homemade" taste. Feel free to email me for the recipe.
Lets also remember, cops didn't buy ALL of the millions of
donuts sold at Dunkin Donuts last year, a few other people ate some of those
donuts too, but we never hear of those teachers and their donuts, or those
engineers and their love of Boston Cream. Maybe the next time we hear this
true, but harsh characterization of police officers, we will remember that when
they went to work today, they kissed their families goodbye, and told their
children they would see them in the morning, knowing well that there was a
chance they might not, so give them a break.
Disclaimer: I purposely chose the spelling of the aforementioned subject in order to pay tribute to my favorite coffee retailer.
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